Welcome! ChompChompDead is the open-sourced comedy community. Every week, our users select members for The Cast, who submit oddly entertaining articles to be rated. To be admitted into The Cast, you first need to cut your teeth by writing in the Chum Bucket.

Terms of Use

  1. CCD does not promote friendship, good will towards mankind or War Amps
  2. By using our site you agree not to ask about the unexplained shark theme
  3. CCD is an adult-oriented site. If you find the "humour" on this site offensive we encourage you to email us at wedontcare@chompchompdead.com. Your complaint is important to us, though not important enough for an actual person to read. You will receive an automated email response informing you of our author's right to freedom of speech
  4. By posting on this site you are giving the greedy capitalistic, administrators at CCD the rights to use and profit off of any part of your original or cleverly plagiarized work on our website. If at any point in the future, we decide to republish the work in any other format, we'll ask for your explicit permission to do so, and let you know how you'll be compensated. But we do reserve the right to use exerpts of your material for use of promotion (headlines, etc). We're not exactly drowning in revenue right now, so cast members should not expect to be compensated right now. We said expect. Chum submitters should know that they won't be compensated at all for chum submissions. And we can republish chum submissions wherever we want, without permission, for no compensation.
  5. this looks like fun, eat it!
  6. We're not going to lie, we're going to try to profit off of stuff you submit. But that doesn't preclude you from trying to profit off your stuff too. Capitalism, bitch!
  7. If you start getting flamed... you're on your own. What am I, your dad?
  8. If you're doing the flaming, try to take a sensitivity class. I know gay people, and they don't regularly incorporate small mammals in their love making, I assure you.
  9. We reserve the right to kick you off this site for whatever the hell we want. We're in grade six. You're in grade one. Do the math. That's a difference of five.
  10. These Terms of Use may change at some point in the future... but we don't have a Delorean, so we don't know for sure. Make sure to check back here every so often. For serious.
  11. CCD may have links to third party sites or services or other related things that can enter your brain through eyeballs or ear holes. We don't accept responsibility for things we don't directly force into said eyeballs or ear holes.
  12. If you haven't noticed, we don't review anything before it goes live on our site. We find that this keeps things pretty spontaneous, and slightly sensual. If you have a problem with something, email us at abuse@chompchompdead.com with your concern. If it's anything to do with general bad language or nipples, don't waste your time. Stupid emails will be publicized.
  13. To do certain things on the site, you'll need to create an account with us. Be accurate with the personal information you provide, or not, we really don't care. Pick a password you can remember, but it must contain more than zero characters.
  14. If someone hacks into your account and does some freaky shit, we're not liable for any of the whimsy and/or mayhem they may cause. In fact, it'll probably just make you look cooler.
  15. We can profit off your shit, and you can profit off your shit, but nobody else can profit off your shit. So yeah, don't try and profit off of other writers' shit.
  16. You're not allowed to automatically reproduce this site with spiders or other aggregating goodness.
  17. DO NOT TRY TO GAME THE VOTING by voting for yourself by a)creating a bunch of accounts yourself or b)hacking into our system to game the results. Trust me, we'll know. And nothing makes Sexual Harrassment Panda more upset than crafty vagrants trying to game our system.
  18. We may allow you to delete your account at some point in the future, but this doesn't mean your posted articles will disappear. Submitting to CCD is like having herpes... you may have second thoughts, but that shit lasts forever.
  19. You're allowed to use our logo and related trade marks for the purposes of fair use, but if you're trying to pass yourself off as us, a) we're going to sue your ass so bad and b) Lance Bass will never be an astronaut nor cosmonaut.
  20. If you repeatedly attempt to submit stuff that isn't funny, we reserve the right to block you. I swear to God, if I see one damn Viagra joke, I'm pulling the plug. Picture a prison shower, with 20 Ron Jeremy's and you.
  21. We don't endorse anything anybody submits to CCD, unless it's really funny.
  22. Please don't infringe on other people's copyrights. That includes Right Said Fred. That being said, we aren't liable if anyone does infringe on someone's copyrights... we will, however, politely take the offending content off if you contact us. Sanctions will include stern verbal warnings, and ripping band-aids off really slowly.
  23. PROCEEDING UPON THESE PRINCIPLES WE APPEAR TO ARRIVE AT THE CONCLUSION THAT NINETEEN-TWENTIETHS OF ALL THE WRITINGS WHICH HAVE EVER BEEN ASCRIBED TO PLATO, ARE UNDOUBTEDLY GENUINE. THERE IS ANOTHER PORTION OF THEM, INCLUDING THE EPISTLES, THE EPINOMIS, THE DIALOGUES REJECTED BY THE ANCIENTS THEMSELVES, NAMELY, THE AXIOCHUS, DE JUSTO, DE VIRTUTE, DEMODOCUS, SISYPHUS, ERYXIAS, WHICH ON GROUNDS, BOTH OF INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EVIDENCE, WE ARE ABLE WITH EQUAL CERTAINTY TO REJECT. BUT THERE STILL REMAINS A SMALL PORTION OF WHICH WE ARE UNABLE TO AFFIRM EITHER THAT THEY ARE GENUINE OR SPURIOUS. THEY MAY HAVE BEEN WRITTEN IN YOUTH, OR POSSIBLY LIKE THE WORKS OF SOME PAINTERS, MAY BE PARTLY OR WHOLLY THE COMPOSITIONS OF PUPILS; OR THEY MAY HAVE BEEN THE WRITINGS OF SOME CONTEMPORARY TRANSFERRED BY ACCIDENT TO THE MORE CELEBRATED NAME OF PLATO, OR OF SOME PLATONIST IN THE NEXT GENERATION WHO ASPIRED TO IMITATE HIS MASTER. NOT THAT ON GROUNDS EITHER OF LANGUAGE OR PHILOSOPHY WE SHOULD LIGHTLY REJECT THEM. SOME DIFFERENCE OF STYLE, OR INFERIORITY OF EXECUTION, OR INCONSISTENCY OF THOUGHT, CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED DECISIVE OF THEIR SPURIOUS CHARACTER. FOR WHO ALWAYS DOES JUSTICE TO HIMSELF, OR WHO WRITES WITH EQUAL CARE AT ALL TIMES? CERTAINLY NOT PLATO, WHO EXHIBITS THE GREATEST DIFFERENCES IN DRAMATIC POWER, IN THE FORMATION OF SENTENCES, AND IN THE USE OF WORDS, IF HIS EARLIER WRITINGS ARE COMPARED WITH HIS LATER ONES, SAY THE PROTAGORAS OR PHAEDRUS WITH THE LAWS. OR WHO CAN BE EXPECTED TO THINK IN THE SAME MANNER DURING A PERIOD OF AUTHORSHIP EXTENDING OVER ABOVE FIFTY YEARS, IN AN AGE OF GREAT INTELLECTUAL ACTIVITY, AS WELL AS OF POLITICAL AND LITERARY TRANSITION? CERTAINLY NOT PLATO, WHOSE EARLIER WRITINGS ARE SEPARATED FROM HIS LATER ONES BY AS WIDE AN INTERVAL OF PHILOSOPHICAL SPECULATION AS THAT WHICH SEPARATES HIS LATER WRITINGS FROM ARISTOTLE.
  24. Our favourite STD is scabies.