Local researchers are baffled at the inexhaustible enthusiasm and joy that emanates from the Purex toilet paper factory, where every day millions of tiny Purex toilet paper pillows are created for the sole purpose of being shit on.
“Hurray! We’re the SOFTEST!” exclaims Vick, a two month old Purex pillow who seems to have no idea he’s toilet paper. He happily snuggles up to a young boy and girl, who are eventually going to cover him in feces.
“Snuggly soft!” he cries out again, causing the children to giggle and laugh with glee. He nearly broke out into an elaborate song and dance number, but was interrupted when the children’s father escorted him from the room. Moments later, Vick found himself violently thrashed against the grown man’s anus.
“The worst part of this stuff is the horrifying shrieks of terror every time you need to drop a deuce,” explains the man, making sure that Vick is caked with a generous amount of shit. “But they keep the kids happy, and are a lot cheaper than a babysitter, so whatever.”
The man suddenly realized that he was giving an interview on the toilet, and summoned several dozen pillows to escort us to the outer hall. A flush was soon heard, followed by thousands of tiny screams.
“Is this existence? Is this what we’re made for?” gurgled Vick, still clinging to the side of the toilet bowl. “I fought to get to the front of the line, for fucksake! Now look at me!”
April 24th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
I would like to hear what happens to Vic, like a sequeal in the “underground” LIFE IN THE PIPES??